BEFORE YOU COMMIT SUICIDE, READ THIS!!

BEFORE YOU COMMIT SUICIDE, READ THIS!!

I said I was going to make two posts today to share my personal experience but I will try to merge it into one. I have been off social media for a few weeks now. I couldn’t shake tables and look for trouble and the reason is because I was battling with my life. A few weeks ago just before I went off social media, a lady made a post on a group RANTHQ about committing suicide because her boyfriend broke up with her. Sincerely every time I see a post like that I get very upset. I replied her and someone came into my inbox and started a sermon on how am insensitive cos I don’t know what people are going through. I was like really? Boyfriend broke up with you and that’s what people are going through? Mtcheeew!! Let me tell you what people are going through using me as an example.

In 2002, I discovered a little issue with my breathe. I was feeling a lil difficulty breathing. I complained to my dad and he took me to a Hospital in PH, I did scan and x-ray and the doctor prescribed me some drugs. I came to Lagos with the drugs and when they finished, my big brother got more for me. The doctor never told me what it was or what the cause was. After some time I noticed the symptoms again. I started taking drugs again. At some point the drugs seem ineffective and my big brother took me to another doctor. I was sent to have another x-ray done. I did and the doctor also prescribed me some new medication. At first it was effective until the symptoms reappear and even became worse. At this point I have started earning money and I began to seek solution on my own too. For many years I was battling with this problem. It used to be occasionally but it grow worse and became frequent. After much search for solution, all the doctors were confused and didn’t know what it was, I finally met a pharmacist who told me that it was “Respiratory tract infection” caused mostly by bacteria in the air as a result of much exposure to dust. And he assured me that it wasn’t much of a problem that he will give drugs to cure it. Hmmmm!! I felt relieved that at last someone is making sense and giving me hope, not knowing it’s the beginning of a new journey. I practically lived on antibiotics. From one antibiotic to the other until I nearly exhaust the antibiotics that exist in this world yet no solution. I would only have relieve for a while and then the next crisis will be worse. I didn’t care about the money, any antibiotic he said take no matter the amount, am game. For years my life was dependent on drugs. At this point you might think I was not praying, lol.. I was praying rain and fire cos at some point I had believe it was spiritual. There were many nights I cant even count that I stayed awake all night battling for my life. Struggling to just breath. At some point antibiotics could do me no good anymore. I have taken so much antibiotics that I became so knowledgeable about them, you would think am a pharmacist. If you enter my room, the first thing you would notice are packs of drugs. At some point I started using different inhalers. This wasn’t asthma. I drink cold stuff and wont have crisis. At a point inhalers, drugs were not working for me. I would pray and pray. One day my mum called my big brother and told him that a white man recommended a particular brand of cigarette that has mentol in it. He said I should smoke and inhale the smoke. That it will help cure the problem. When big brother told me, my first reaction was to laugh. I was like me smoke? Lol. I have never smoked before and I hated the smell of cigarettes. But mum kept insisting I gave it a try. Breathing was becoming more and more difficult and the crisis became more frequent so I became really desperate that I was willing to try anything. We started looking for the cigarette and later got a pack. Lol,, I tried that shit the first time and almost coughed out my lungs. Then little by little my skill improved. Damn!! The devil and his mother in-law are bastards. Cigarette began to help me breath. What? This is good, I thought. Then the worse happened. I started getting used to smoking. I will sit and feel like smoking even when I had no crisis. I never saw me smoking so I decided to stop using the cigarette except when I have crisis only. Ofcourse I was hiding to smoke so people wont see and start judging me without knowing why. As I stopped the cigarette, the battle became worse. Sometimes I will have crisis on the road, sometimes when hanging out with friends and I will be running around to get the cigarette just to stay alive. I was combining both the cigarette and antibiotics yet no permanent solution. One day my big brother was angry with me that am taking too much drugs.. I laughed in my heart. I said he wont understand. Until you struggle through out the night trying to breath just one night, you wont understand my pain. Guess what, I have been through that experience countless times. Struggled through many nights fighting for my life. Sometimes it will be so bad that I thought I would die. There are times I will start thinking how my picture will be all over social media with the RIP caption. I was scared of dying, I would start missing facebook and loved ones.. some times when I found myself in that situation I will just pray, confess all my sin and take a sleeping pill. Oh yes!! You cant come to my room and not find sleeping pills. I buy them in large quantity cos that’s how I survive most nights. Every kobo I earned in my life was practically spent on this problem. But still thankful for life. While still battling with this, about a month ago, I started feeling sick, I felt it was malaria and typhoid so I went to get drugs for it. After treating it, no improvement, I went to take injections, still wasn’t feeling well, went for first test, result said I was fine. I went home and was really feeling so could inside. I would wear jacket and cardigans in hot sun yet feeling cold still. I became very worried. I am planning to travel for my dad’s burial and the devil is messing with my health? I went in for another comprehensive test. And was diagnosed with Ulcer, Liver issues and typhoid. What? I shouted. Me, Ulcer? I eat a lot so ulcer was the last thing on my mind. Apparently the severe hotness I was feeling in my stomach was caused by this ulcer. Liver again? Hmmm. I took the result home and here comes a new battle for my life. Over the past three weeks, my life could best be described as hell. Countless sleepless nights in pains and struggle to breath. Within these past three weeks I have spent a fortune to be alive and as you are reading this now I just placed order for a herbal drug for 30k from oweri. Its not about the money. I just wanted you to understand how much am fighting for my life. I am alive today because of my “Will to Live” and the “Mercy of God”. Everyday that I wake up is a miracle and consider it a gift. I am a fighter, a survivor. I refused to die inspite of the battles. Even last night was a battle to live. This is why I get really angry when someone said he or she wants to commit suicide because a relationship ended. Many people like me all over the world are struggling and battling everyday to be alive and someone who is healthy wants to commit suicide? The moment you start contemplating suicide, you are simply ungrateful for life and you deserve no pity or sympathy. Thank God for your life and give it time everything will be fine. I hope this story inspire someone out there.

Thanks for reading..

AMACHREE IKIJANA ALEX